If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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