I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment