I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.