When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.