Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm going to jail i love you
Follow @tfln