Texts From Last Night

samjoe59's Favorites Texts:

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  (779): View more from Illinois

  I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.

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  (779): I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/p354
  Replies (13) Good night (1833) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!

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  (803): There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED! http://tfl.nu/9ss0
  Replies (5) Good night (1532) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.

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  (661): Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times. http://tfl.nu/sk4n
  Replies (19) Good night (624) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.

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  (310): Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate. http://tfl.nu/vwb7
  Replies (9) Good night (5369) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same

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  (203): so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same http://tfl.nu/kiu0
  Replies (19) Good night (5935) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in

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  (814): currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight (814): I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in http://tfl.nu/2u0u
  Replies (17) Good night (688) Bad night (1441)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

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  (214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/702a
  Replies (47) Good night (7849) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.

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  (605): Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs. http://tfl.nu/6a2k
  Replies (13) Good night (1940) Bad night (465) Order T-Shirt
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.

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  (520): There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this. http://tfl.nu/ttw7
  Replies (3) Good night (1347) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That burning is chlamydia

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  (612): One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence (202): That burning is chlamydia http://tfl.nu/w9ru
  Replies (9) Good night (849) Bad night (3690)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome

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  (508): So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again. (1-508): Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years? (508): Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome http://tfl.nu/sfo6
  Replies (18) Good night (2356) Bad night (618)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

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  (631): You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu http://tfl.nu/9ul0
  Replies (14) Good night (2281) Bad night (3913) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself

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  (808): I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself http://tfl.nu/wwe7
  Replies (12) Good night (955) Bad night (3090) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food

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  (720): Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food http://tfl.nu/f7o2
  Replies (121) Good night (7458) Bad night (1536) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.

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  (425): he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick. http://tfl.nu/08s1
  Replies (28) Good night (4709) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (526) Bad night (4024) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics

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  (201): When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics http://tfl.nu/in12
  Replies (28) Good night (574) Bad night (3574)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Blow your rape whistle

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  (336): Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar (1-336): Blow your rape whistle http://tfl.nu/5qj3
  Replies (22) Good night (2856) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

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  (510): I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number. (1-510): It was probably Jesus. (510): I feel like he would have left a message. http://tfl.nu/w24x
  Replies (36) Good night (4250) Bad night (551)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend

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  (412): He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend http://tfl.nu/zd33
  Replies (9) Good night (4397) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

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  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (1919) Bad night (7637) Order T-Shirt
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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  (216): i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure. http://tfl.nu/jrrk
  Replies (21) Good night (698) Bad night (5005) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us

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  (920): We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us http://tfl.nu/fe65
  Replies (16) Good night (3655) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

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  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (3936) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.

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  (360): You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there. http://tfl.nu/r1ke
  Replies (18) Good night (5225) Bad night (559)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I could make treat bags

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  (785): Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson. (785): I could make treat bags http://tfl.nu/dekx
  Replies (104) Good night (6104) Bad night (626)