Texts From Last Night

RandomMagician's Favorites Texts:

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  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

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  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (8089) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.

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  (773): You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker. http://tfl.nu/r3lm
  Replies (18) Good night (4744) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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  (512) 3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear http://tfl.nu/ahne
  Replies (4) Good night (1340) Bad night (2020) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (3946) Bad night (616)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa

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  (401): I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa http://tfl.nu/56cb
  Replies (23) Good night (7216) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I'm in Tiajuana

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I could be

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  (706): I think I'm in Tiajuana (404): You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago (706): I could be http://tfl.nu/4kta
  Replies (13) Good night (1938) Bad night (504)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you have to choose: penises or morals?

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  (617): you have to choose: penises or morals? http://tfl.nu/bzpz
  Replies (21) Good night (3927) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.

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  (707): You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are. http://tfl.nu/sbxa
  Replies (6) Good night (1116) Bad night (2945) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

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  (970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. (970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right. http://tfl.nu/uxeh
  Replies (18) Good night (914) Bad night (1515)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

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  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (6986) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit

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  (949): i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit http://tfl.nu/gr8g
  Replies (13) Good night (2953) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.

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  (303): I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number. http://tfl.nu/465z
  Replies (31) Good night (15442) Bad night (761)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (200) Good night (80195) Bad night (4308) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

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  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6312) Bad night (11941)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?

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  (309): Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away? http://tfl.nu/ex4f
  Replies (19) Good night (4951) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.

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  (404): I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life. http://tfl.nu/huxl
  Replies (168) Good night (5740) Bad night (6576) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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  (419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8
  Replies (42) Good night (5840) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt