I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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