I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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