Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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