I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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