I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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