My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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