dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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