Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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