what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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