Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize