Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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