he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize