Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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