ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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