My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize