4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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