He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize