So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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