How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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