Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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