it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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