he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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