My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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