Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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