my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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