somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize