I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize