census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize