It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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