I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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