i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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