Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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