All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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