Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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