My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
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Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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