I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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