....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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