sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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