dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the day after is always just damage control
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize