I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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