My friends, they love my intelligence
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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