he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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