Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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