Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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