My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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