Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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