just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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