I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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